On December 30, 2016 I loaded my minivan with barely any room to breathe while my kids were at the park with their dad. I’d been packing suitcases, boxes, and bags for days, and hiding them to look like our lives were still normal. That morning, I sent the three of them to the park and hurried to fit everything in the van, maneuvering things like a game of Tetris. He brought the kids back and offered to help me buckle them up when it was time for me to head to my mom’s for the day. I don’t know how I kept him from the garage, but the Universe was on my side, and he accepted my refusal for help. I took the kids into The City, and never lived in the house I chose to raise my kids in ever again. We went to the grand Main Library and my phone rang. He had been served our divorce papers and was yelling at me. I told him I was in a quiet place and we couldn’t be loud. He accused me of kidnapping the kids, and I told him to read the attorney prepared documents. I eventually drove to my mom’s house and the work of getting divorced truly began.

Leaving the week after Christmas and the day before New Year’s Eve felt like horrible timing. But there’s never a great time to turn your life upside down. And yet, it’s always the right time to seek safety, health, and joy for yourself and your kids. And that’s what I did the day I left. I lost my house, my in home child care business, and half my time with my kids. But it was Day One of giving us all the chance for a safer, healthier, happier life.

So now I celebrate. Every year I remember the beginning of the hardest couple of years of my life. I honor my courage and celebrate the day I stopped waiting for someone else to change my life with me and did it myself. After 9 months of trying to end our marriage amicably without any progress, I left. It is the day I truly began a journey of prioritizing my joy and pleasure. It is the day I set so much change in motion so that having my children only 50% of the time could mean they’d be happier 100% of the time. I celebrate my Leaveaversary because it is the day I left my marriage and began a return to myself.